The Oscars, directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Miss America

Just when I was thinking, “this year’s Oscars are really lacking in meme-worthy material,” in come Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, who have arrived to finally relieve John Travolta of the great “Adele Dazeem” flub of 2014.

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Place Your Bets: Oscars 2017


I hate the Oscars; I know that they are entirely meaningless and serve little purpose other than to reward those who gave the most money to the Academy. I know that the same types of films are nominated every year, as they follow the same focus group-tested algorithm and were factory-built for award season. And I know that it is a tacky ceremony that spends most of its time congratulating itself and the many white people who didn’t do much to deserve it. But I watch it every year. I love complaining to no one when my favorites don’t win, I love the ridiculous over-polished musical performances and I love placing my bets. So here they are.

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